Being Macoy's Mommy: Month 2

My baby is 2 months old!

About Macoy:

• 15 pounds 4 oz (95%)
• 23 1/4 tall (75%)
• 16 inch head circumference (90%)
  
• He is such a handsome little boy!!! Pictures seriously do not do him justice. He has the most perfect and chubby little face, arms and legs! His skin and hair is as soft as butter and his eyes are the most intense blue you could ever imagine.
• He's so aware and wide-eyed, with big smiles and cute little coos. 
• He sticks his tongue out and kicks his feet like crazy! 
• He's still sleeping in his monkey chair. We have only put him in his crib 2 or 3 times and it didn't go well so we are sticking with the monkey chair a little longer. I love it because I pull it close to our bed and I can peek over to check on him without getting out of bed at night!
• He sleeps for 6 hour stretches at night (9 hours last night) and takes 3-4 naps a day (1-3 hours each). 
• He doesn't need to be swaddled anymore to calm down or fall asleep. He hasn't been swaddled since he was a month old and we aren't looking back. 
• He loves to eat! I think he maybe eats a little more than he should at this age... 5oz to 6oz each feeding. I thinks he's eating about 40oz a day. I transitioned from breastfeeding to bottles when he was 1 month and as of last week he now takes formula.
• He lifts and turns his head during tummy time!
• He smiles...and it's not just because he's gassy anymore!
• He follows with his eyes when we walk by or shake a rattle from far left to far right. 
• He loves his baths. I give him one every other day. I might start doing it every night because it really relaxes him! 
• He can grasp his rattle and shake it all on his own. 
• He is nice and chubby with rolls for days. He wears size 2 diapers and 3 month clothing. The newborn stuff is packed away. We have a ton with tags on it that he never got to wear. 
• He does really well around new people and lots of noise. Christmas in Utah with our family was a blast. 
• In Macoy's first month, I called him "Burrito" and "turtle" every day. Now I call him "bubb-uz" and "my bug". Brian calls him "bubba" and "monkey"! 
• He hates having his picture taken. And, every time I try to capture his cuteness on video, he stops doing whatever he was doing that prompted me to record in the first place. I think he gets this from his daddy. 

About Daddy

• He's so proud that Macoy is getting older and bigger and he forces me to confront that fact daily. 
• He thinks Macoy likes me more. 
• He's exclusively in charge of a few things like taking out the diapers and tummy time (because Macoy hates it and if I were to be in charge, I would pick him up the second he got fussy.)
• He loves his little boy and is willing to do it all! He seriously couldn't be any more loving or attentive. Seeing him as a daddy melts my heart. 
• He's been working full time for the last 5 or so weeks. He only had 2.5 weeks off from work when Macoy was born. When he gets home every day, he comes in and goes straight to Macoy (usually in my arms) to give us both a kiss.  

About Mommy (Me!)

• I'm in denial that Macoy is getting older and bigger. 
• I think Macoy likes his daddy a little more. 
• It took longer for things to "click" for me than it does for most moms. The truth is that being a mommy just didn't come natural to me at first. The transition was rough for me because I really didn't expect that to be the case. It (my connection with my baby and my surrender of my old life) took some time. Although there are still aspects that I struggle with in motherhood, I'm on the other side now and I can't imagine life without Macoy in it.  
• I still look at Macoy sometimes and can't believe he's mine. I find myself drifting off and thinking about his birthday and what a miracle it is to grow and deliver a baby! 
• I have to make a conscious effort daily to not ignore/neglect my needs and the needs of my husband. It's very easy for me to get a laser focus on Macoy and forget everything else, even the basics like feeding myself or asking how my husbands day at work was! Having Macoy has completely changed my life and it's an adjustment that takes some effort to strike a healthy balance.  
• I have 18 pounds to loose to get back to pre prego weight. 
• I'm finally getting some sleep! Not a ton but far more than when he was only 1 month old. 
• My maternity leave ends this week. My first day back is this Thursday. I will be working only p/t (2-3 days a week) the month of January. Macoy will be going to daycare. I'm nervous about it but hopeful that it will work well for our little family. If it doesn't, we will go to plan B. 
• Since I was 17, I have set my eyes on and planned for the next big thing. Graduating HS, moving away, living on my own, starting a career, graduating from college, becoming a wife, owning a home, becoming a mom. Today, I am finally content. I have everything I have ever wanted and I'm not focused on what's next. I'm just enjoying the moment because these moments are what I have spent the last 10 years working toward. It may not seem like much to some people but it is everything to me. 

We are blessed. We have a beautiful home, successful careers, loving family and everything that we could ever need to care for our new addition. There is so much love between the three of us and I am SO PROUD to be Macoy's mom.  

Being Macoy's Mommy: Month 1

As you know from my last blog post, the first two weeks of Macoy's life were a struggle for me as we worked through feeding issues due to Macoy's tongue tie.

Update on the tongue tie: The cut was a little traumatizing for our little family. Not only did we hear him screaming from the other room (where he was strapped down for the cut) but he came in smelling like burnt flesh which horrified me. In addition to that, the after care included us rubbing the wound, which made Macoy cry, for 10 seconds 5 times a day for 2 weeks to ensure it healed properly and didn't reattach. Since then, breastfeeding got a bit better but did not drastically improve as it does with 99% of patients. Being the 1% isn't any fun but it sure has toughened me up a bit. As we all know, the more challenges we overcome, the stronger we are in the end. We have moved to pumping and using bottles which Macoy didn't mind a bit! It's a tad more work (washing bottles and pump parts) but it works better for us, so that's what were doing! 

There were also many wonderful moments and new experiences within those early weeks. I would literally sit in my rocking chair, staring at him for hours on end. As a new mom, it was incredible just to soak in his adorable face, picking out features that he may have got from me or his daddy and trying to imagine what he may look like as a crawling toddler or even as a teenager! It's so much fun to be there for all the little moments. The first sneeze, hiccups, smile...and the first time they actually connect eyes with you. It's pretty magical. 

I can't believe Macoy is already ONE month old. In some ways, it flew by. And at the same time, I feel like he's been my son for much longer! It may be because I loved him just as much when he was in my tummy or perhaps it's because there is no delineation between day and night any longer and thus it seems as though we've had many more than 30 or so "nights" with him. As I reflect on his first month, there are so many thoughts, emotions and memories (good and bad) that come up. I will just share a few... 

• Delivery. We checked in at about 8 to be induced but they broke my water at 10 and my contractions came on their own and were in full swing by about 11. I endured them for about 1 hour and got an epidural at noon. I was ready to push by 1:00 and he was here at 2:00. It all happened so fast! I had a fabulous OBGYN who delivered Macoy and amazing nurses in my delivery room. 
• Hospital. I was in pretty bad pain and was super sleep deprived in the hospital so it was very frustrating that hospital staff kept dropping in at the worst times to check on me and the baby. To my mom-to-be friends: Don't forget that you can ask them to come back when YOU are done crying or feeding the baby or whatever. And, don't be afraid to ask for help. The nurses are just one touch of a button away. Don't feel bad about calling for the nurse every hour (or more) if you need to. You are paying for it. Just know that it can take them 20 min to show up so plan accordingly and manage your expectations around their pace.
• Recovery. The pain after birth sucks. I wish they could have kept that epidural going for about a day or so. ;) I wont go into details here but it's not glamorous. To my mom-to-be friends: If you want the deets, just email me. I wish someone would have warned / prepared me for what it entails!  
• Going home. Leaving the hospital was an event. I was excited to get home to my comfy bed but was a little scared that doctors wouldn't be right outside my door if we needed something. I was also terrified to put him in the car seat and take him on the 45 minute drive home from the hospital. I was worried he would cry or need something that I didn't have ready. To my surprise, he slept the entire way and stayed in his baby coma for over an hour after we got home. I kept him in the car seat because I didn't want to wake him. To my mom-to-be friends: Take the stuff from your hospital room (water bottle, baby shirts and everything in the bathroom) ...you paid for it! Or, you will. Hospital bills (one for you and a separate one for baby) are no joke. 
• Helpers. I was lucky on the support front. I had my husband, my sister (Megan) and/or my mom here to help me most of the first 2 weeks. To those moms who did/do or plan to do it alone those first few weeks...you go girl! Personally, I would not have made it through. My husband is totally doing his 50%! It's always bothered me when people say their husband is "babysitting" the kids. I think that's so strange. Isn't he just parenting? 
• Baby Tears. Babies cry. We all know this. They have a hungry cry, a tired cry and a cry that tells you they are scared or in pain. The pain cry will break your heart into pieces, worry you and bring you to tears. We experienced this with his circumcision and the tongue tie surgery. Me, baby and hubby all needed the following day to recover from the trauma. 
• Feeding baby. You all know my struggles with feeding Macoy in the early weeks. My type A personality had me tracking (in a spiral notebook) every time he ate for the first 4 weeks. Date, time, time on each boob or # of oz in the bottle and time between each feeding. I did it to feel somewhat in control at a time that I felt very out of control. I also thought it would help me to see any patterns. Well, folks...newborns have no patterns so don't waste the paper. Quick Story: I was driving (alone) with Macoy back from his 1 month dr. apt and he started screaming bloody murder. I knew it was his hungry cry but I was on the freeway so it took me about 5 minutes to find an exit and a safe place to park. By the time I got to him, he was bright red, soaking wet from tears and sweat and had this look on his face that ruined me. I quickly unbuckled him from the car seat, fed him in a school parking lot and changed him on my lap in the backseat because it was cold outside. In that moment, I remember thinking to myself, "Welcome to mommy-hood, hun!"
• Feeding mom. I barely found time to cook a TV dinner and when I do manage to make something, I only eat half before the baby starts crying. With that said, I didn't eat well enough or drink enough water to stay healthy this first month and I got VERY sick. To my mom-to-be friends: I wont go into details here but I will say that it's super important that you take care of yourself. Please make it a priority. 
• Sleep for baby. Macoy sleeps a lot when you add up all his naps but his naps are like 1 to 2 hours and then he's up for 1 to 2 hours. He just started sleeping through the night at 1 month old. To my mom-to-be friends: Keep in mind "sleeping through the night" for a baby is considered to be a 5-6 hour stretch not 8-10. And, every baby is different. Some babies don't sleep through the night until 3 or even 6 mns old. 
• Sleep for mom. What's sleep? I'm not sure I know anymore. ;) It's really just naps now. I will plop down anywhere for a nap, knowing full well it may only be 10 minutes. It doesn't matter if the lights are on and that I have no pillow or blanket. In the first week or so, I literally woke up every hour to ensure he wasn't suffocating under his blanket. To my mom-to-be friends: Plan for 4 hours per day which includes all naps during the day and any sleep you may rack up at night. Anything more than that is just gravy. 
• Baths for baby. Macoy LOVES baths. And, I love to give him baths at night so that he is super relaxed and sleeps well at night. And, there's really nothing better that a fresh scented baby! 
• Showers for mom. When I was pregnant, everyone told me that I would never get to shower. That horrified me. For those who know me, I really like to be clean and have been known to take 2 showers a day. I'm happy to report that I have taken a shower (just one) everyday for the past 5 weeks. To my mom-to-be friends: You will think you hear him crying every time you get into the shower. Even if he's with your hubby or a loved one, you will feel like you are needed and it will rush you along a bit. Oh and in the first few weeks, you will likely just wind your wet hair up into a bun the moment you get out of the shower. And it will stay like that...until your next shower. It's a very sexy time for women. ;) 

If you are like me, you will start to embrace the stressful moments, breathe through them and find a way to stay calm because you know the baby knows when you are stressed. You will slowly begin to learn the meaning behind the different crying that your baby does and you will learn a core bag of soothing tricks like rocking him near running water, running the vacuum, speeding around the house in the stroller, simply turning the ceiling fan on, bouncing on the exercise ball or singing a song that you made up just for him.

One thing is for sure...it's wonderful to be a mommy. I am totally in love in a way that I never knew was possible. It's not easy but it is worth it.